Through our love story, I have become intimately aware of the sacred dance between despair and gratefulness. I refuse to allow the tragedy of your disease to negate the beauty of your life, the depth of your impact, and the sheer joy with which you lived your days. I refuse to allow the dark, necessary sides of sadness to entirely overshadow the quiet whisper of gratefulness, compassion and the gentle perspective that you gave to me. I refuse to let the darkness, overcome the light. I refuse to focus on what you're missing and instead be so thankful for all our memories, all of your lessons and most importantly, all of your love. What a different person I would be if I never had the honor of knowing you. 

There isn't a day or a moment that goes by that I don't think of you - mostly when I'm interacting with my children - but somehow, I know you're there. When Max smiles his "whole face" smile or Jack laughs from his belly or they're overly tender with each other, I know you're there. And I know you're close. And deep down, under all the grief and darkness, I know you want me to be happy. 

I miss you in ways that not even words can understand, but I do know one thing, souls always know their way back home and thats what you are. My Home. 

I love you bigger than the sky, Dad. 

With all my love, 

Rachael